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Detecting Undercurrents

Lately we’ve been experiencing technical difficulties with raising our kids. It seems that we have been unaware of the importance of being together as a family unit. Modern society has become a light-speed blur and the price we are paying is now being reflected in our children.

Long ago, before the Internet, electricity and that pesky wheel thing, humans used to sit around and talk to each other. Yea, talk. As in honestly connecting with each other in verbal communications without Instant Messaging. It turns out, humans need to feel a sense of belonging. Especially children. So much so, that if neglected even the slightest bit, children will act out. Most people see this as undisciplined, whinny brats. You know the expression, “Some people’s children!”.

Parents naturally think we can control our kids by enacting draconian methods like screaming at them or threatening them in some way. But the simple truth is, we can not control our kids behavior. We can only control their environment, they have to learn to control themselves. What’s going on here? You may be asking. There are hidden currents of belonging underneath the unruly behavior. When you see kids acting out and miss behaving, it’s only a symptom not the source of the problem. The source is usually a lack of attention and a need to belong to a group.

Families are like sports teams. Everyone needs to work together in order for the team to win. If some of your best players are being benched for not being team players, the team will not win. No one person can always make a team win. “There’s no I in teamwork. ” In families, all the members must feel valued and connected to each other. When children are valued and given lots of individual attention, they have less of a need to act up just for the attention.

We are working on our undercurrents. It’s not easy. But the rewards are quick and everlasting. By spending more quality time with the kids when they are younger, they will not have a need to seek attention in other groups like gangs when they get older. The goal of every parent is to raise happy, well adjusted adults who contribute positively to society and live long and rich lives. That journey requires more time and effort than alot of people are willing to give. And that, I believe is the real problem with most of the world today.

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